


I Don't Regret It If You Don't Regret It

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Forbidden Love, M/M, Sacrifice, Seelie Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22387579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: With their realms at odds, Seelie Knight Alexander Lightwood and Prince of Edom Magnus Bane know that what they have between them can't last forever... but that doesn't make it any easier when the consequences of their love fall upon them.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 28
Kudos: 137
Collections: SHBingo





	I Don't Regret It If You Don't Regret It

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my Shadowhunters Bingo square: Seelie!Alec

Looking at Magnus behind the bars of his cell, arms and legs bound tightly with unbreakable vines covered in razor-sharp thorns which cut into his skin with the slightest movement, Alec finds he isn’t surprised, only full of sorrow and regret. This is where they were always meant to end, isn’t it? He sees the same resignation in Magnus’ eyes - hurt and frustrated, but not angry, not at Alec.

There isn’t much time. Alec takes a moment to close his eyes, remembering the moments that brought them here, the ones leading up to the decision he has to make. He needs to take one last moment to be absolutely certain he’s making the right decision.

\---

Alec knew from the start that what he had with Magnus couldn’t last. It shouldn’t have lasted as long as it did, and he needed to cut his losses before they pushed things too far. After all, Alexander Lightwood was a Knight of the Seelie realm, sworn to protect and serve his Queen; and his Queen loathed Lilith and Asmodeus, the rulers of Edom the warlock Magnus Bane was sworn to protect and serve. They couldn’t have what both of them so clearly wanted, and they both knew it. With their realms on the constant brink of war, their dalliances could’ve been considered an act of treason.

But every time they crossed paths it always ended the same.

It was easiest for them to meet in the mortal realm when they were sent to represent their people at summits and meetings with the other Downworlders and members of the Shadow World. They were tracked less closely there, often the only ones of their kind, and could sneak away for a few minutes, maybe even hours if they got lucky. They’d been doing this long enough to know the tricks to not getting caught, able to pinpoint the perfect circumstances and orchestrated them whenever possible.

They swore it was a one-time thing until it wasn’t. Each time after that ended with the promise it was over. It had to be, for both of their safety. And it was just a fling, wasn’t it? Surely they wouldn’t continue to risk their lives over a few casual hookups?

It didn’t take long for them to realize it was so much more than that. When it happened, Alec couldn’t say. But at some point, it became less of a physical connection and more of an emotional one. They spoke as much as they didn’t during their time together, learning of the other’s family and friends, their hopes and dreams.

A bond formed between them that Alec insisted connected their very souls with how deep it ran, begging his sister when she discovered them just outside one of the entrances to the Seelie Realm one day and Alec had to beg her to keep his secret.

To his surprise, she didn’t even try to talk him out of seeing Magnus again. In fact, seeing how happy the warlock made him Izzy actually encouraged it, going so far as to help cover for him on the rare occasion he slipped up and needed an alibi.

There was an attack. The number of dead Downworlders was too high to think about without making him sick, but Alec only cared about one. When he saw Magnus alive and well it nearly killed him to not be able to run over and embrace him, but they were in public and there were too many eyes. When they found a moment in private later and Alec admitted that he loved Magnus, Magnus knew Alec meant it, and not just because he couldn’t lie. Magnus _could_ lie, of course, but Alec believed the words as they were returned to him with all of his heart just the same.

They never brought up the idea of abandoning their lives and running off together; Alec knew as well as Magnus that their sense of duty and allegiance was too strong for either of them to abandon entirely. They had family and friends in their realms to protect, after all.

So they kept meeting in secret. Sometimes Raphael arranged for the Dumort to be a safe haven for a short period of time when there were too many eyes at the Institute. His friendship with Magnus and their history together meant his assurances that the clan would never speak of seeing them together there were accepted, no questions asked. Sometimes it was a quick kiss stolen in the depths of the woods in the Seelie realm, or a moment of passion taken too far in the dry sand or against a warm rock in Edom. Sometimes all Alec had was the graze of Magnus’ hand on his lower back as he turned to leave a meeting to hold him over for weeks, sometimes months, before an excuse arose to bring them back to the same place again.

In a stroke of genius, Magnus had started to bribe many Downworlders to throw more parties than usual with an open invitation to all of the Shadow World - a risk for prying eyes but a perfect excuse for them to be around one another more often, but soon even that wasn’t enough. Magnus wanted more, and Alec agreed. They began to meet in secret, not just when they happened to be in the same place for a meeting or party, but actively sneaking away to steal anywhere from moments to entire nights together.

The longer they went without being caught the more they hoped that maybe, just maybe, they could have this for themselves. Magnus and Alec were as careful as they could be without taking that final step to end things between them.

They weren’t careful enough.

Someone saw them. Alec wasn’t sure who, or when. He didn’t know if it was something they could’ve avoided, maybe one of those ‘innocent’ touches at a party was seen for what it truly was, or maybe some nosy Shadowhunter glamoured themselves and followed them one night after they left the Institute. Maybe no one sold them out and it was simply the Seelie Queen and her annoying habit of knowing more than she should.

Magnus was summoned to the Seelie Court. The moment Alec heard he knew something was wrong - there was no reason for any warlock to be called to see the Queen today, certainly not Magnus specifically, and especially not alone. Except he wasn’t alone, because the Seelie who came to tell Alec was sent by the Queen herself to make sure he was in attendance.

Alec knew what was about to happen, and no sooner had he arrived did the Queen announce that Magnus had broken Seelie Law. Magnus, appearing far calmer than he had any right to, demanded to know on what grounds he was being arrested.

The Seelie Queen stated cryptically that he took something that belonged to her without permission, shifting her gaze behind the warlock to look directly at Alec. Magnus turned his head as well and the moment he turned to confirm his suspicions Magnus gave Alec the best half-smile he could muster and mouthed ‘ _sorry_ ’.

As if somehow Alec would be mad at him for this. As if he had anything to apologize for.

And then he was gone, taken away by knights who were very specifically not Alec. The Queen intentionally left so that she crossed his path, stopping to say just low enough for only him to hear that he and Magnus would never be together again and if he valued his own freedom he would choose wisely, whatever that meant.

Alec spent the entire day waiting for his own summoning to speak with the Queen but it never came. Then he spent half the night asking around to find out exactly where Magnus had been taken. He had a plan. It wasn’t a good one, hell, it was probably the most foolish thing he’d done in his entire life, and that included the months spent sneaking around with a warlock, but his mind was made up as he made his way to Magnus’ cell. Izzy helped him distract the guard to get access to Magnus, telling her he just wanted to speak with him again. If she knew what he truly planned she never would’ve agreed to help him so easily - there’s no way he would come back from helping Magnus escape, the Queen would either kill him or he would spend his life exiled and on the run.

But it was the only option he had, the only thing he _could_ do now; no other option felt right, no other path acceptable in his heart.

When Alec arrived outside of Magnus’ cell, it was to make himself a proper traitor to the Queen.

\---

Thinking back on it feels like his life flashing before his eyes. He’s only known Magnus for about a year but nothing before meeting Magnus seems to matter, and neither will anything after should Magnus be left to die here because of him.

“Alexander…” Magnus says softly.

Alec shakes his head. “Don’t you dare say you’re sorry. This isn’t your fault. I should’ve been more careful. The odds that this is because someone spotted me leaving and-”

“Hey,” Magnus cuts him off. “If I don’t get to be sorry then neither do you.”

That makes Alec smile in spite of everything. Running a hand along the cell door in front of him he can feel the magic within the bars and reaffirms that the Queen expected him to try and free Magnus. He knows because he can feel the Seelie magic tied to this particular cell and what it means - he felt it the moment he walked in. The possibility that he cannot simply let Magnus go should’ve been one he anticipated - the Queen warned him they couldn’t be together, that he had to choose his own freedom. She planned for this, of course she did.

Alec hits his fist against the bars in frustration. This changes everything… but it changes nothing. He still plans on freeing Magnus but decides to ask one last question to be certain it’s worth the sacrifice.

“Would you take it back, if you knew how it would end?” Alec asks him. Magnus has no reason to lie, imprisoned and facing certain death. Alec wouldn’t blame him for saying yes, for wishing he kept himself out of Alec’s life, or at least that they’d ended things sooner.

“Not a second of it,” Magnus promises, and Alec’s mind is made up.

“Me either.”

Alec places his hand upon the lock and closes his eyes, making his intention clearly known to the magic held there. He waits with bated breath when nothing happens at first, and then the door swings open. Magnus’ eyes widen in shock.

“How did you-”

“I know what you said earlier, but I _am_ sorry for this.” Alec knows it isn’t what Magnus would choose, which is why Alec doesn’t give him the option. He reaches a hand out to grab the vines wrapped around Magnus’ body. The moment he does they react to his touch, sliding off of Magnus and snaking their way around him instead, binding his arms and legs together painfully.

Alec fell to his knees, and though free now Magnus made no motion to stand or flee, eyes trained on Alec and hands already reaching out to try and free him from the vines.

“Don’t,” Alec warns. “They won’t react to your magic, and you’ll only make them pull tighter.” This froze Magnus in place, not wanting to be the reason the thorns dug deeper than they already were.

“Alexander, what have you done?” Magnus whispers sadly.

“I made an equal exchange. She knew I’d come, and instead of leaving guards she left me a choice. The cell is bound to the crime, not the criminal. It must hold one guilty of the crime-” Alec explains.

“-and we’re guilty of the same crime,” Magnus realizes. “I can’t let you do this. Please, put them back. I’d never ask for you to trade your life for mine,” Magnus insists, holding his hands out in offering.

“I know you wouldn’t. I also know if our roles were reversed you wouldn’t hesitate to do the same for me.”

Magnus opens his mouth but closes it again without a word, unable to argue.

“She’ll be kinder to me, if only because I’m one of her own. She certainly won’t kill me.” That alone makes this exchange the only option in Alec’s mind. If Magnus remained a prisoner it would only be a matter of time before the Queen grew bored and killed him. Alec is fairly certain she wouldn’t do the same to him, and he’ll take those odds over the alternative.

“If it makes you feel any more at ease, I don’t think this cell was ever meant for you. She knew if she threw me in it as an order there would’ve been an uproar. This way she can keep her favor and claim she tried to allow me my freedom while we both know this was always meant to be my fate for betraying her.” Alec would do anything to guarantee Magnus’ safety, to ensure the Queen won’t go after him again, and she knows it. She has Alec wrapped around her pinky finger for the rest of his life. She never truly wanted either of them dead - she only wanted her favorite Knight back under her thumb where he belongs.

And here he is, bound and waiting.

“I’m not certain anything could make me feel at ease right now” Magnus admits, voice wavering with emotion.

“Not even a kiss goodbye?” Alec asks. They’re sat close enough to touch if only Alec’s arm weren’t bound behind his back. Magnus shifts towards him, tears now spilling silently from his eyes, hands moving to carefully come to rest in small spaces of Alec’s sides not already occupied by the vines.

For all the pain he’s in, both physically and emotionally, it all seems to settle the moment Magnus’ lips are pressed gently against his own. It’s slow and deep, and Alec can feel every emotion conveyed they don’t have time to say aloud.

“Now leave,” Alec breathes out the moment their lips part, Magnus’ face still close enough that he can feel his breath warm in the space between them. “You know the way out. Be careful, but something tells me she isn’t going to stop you. I’ll never agree to serve her again if she hurts you, and she knows it. She needs me too much to risk it.”

There’s a small, sad smile on Alec’s face, relief over knowing Magnus would be able to live out the rest of his life mixed with pride over being the reason why he’ll be safe and unspeakable heartache over the fact that it means he may never see him again.

“Take care of yourself, Magnus.”

“I’ll come back for you,” Magnus promises. Alec knows he means it - he’s going to try, at least, probably longer than he should. Alec doesn’t have the heart to tell him not to bother. “I’ll find a way. I love you, Alexander.”

“I love you too.”

It’s the only truth Alec can afford him because he doesn’t share in Magnus’ optimism.

Watching Magnus leave Alec catalogs every curve of his body, every sway of his hair in the breeze certain it’ll be the last image of him he’ll have to hold on to.

As his Queen appears shortly thereafter, tisk-ing and shaking her head at him through the bars in unsurprised disappointment, Alec can only hope the memories will be enough to carry him through.

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


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